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Being assertive is a positive thing and should never be seen as pushy or confrontational. 
It’s a way of making yourself heard and understood. It’s also about respecting the needs and rights of the people around you – your family, your friends, your teachers, your work colleagues, your team-mates.
Best of all, you will be happier, and have a much better chance of living life the way you want. Asserting yourself will build your confidence and make your relationships healthier.
Tips for asserting yourself:
- Remember, your rights are not just legal ones, they’re also a state of mind. If you firmly believe in your rights, you will feel more comfortable saying what you think when you want to. It will also show the people you are talking to that you are confident and believe in what you’re saying.
- Be considerate, polite and calm. Make good eye contact, but don’t be aggressive. Listen carefully before you answer.
- Be very specific when you say what you like and don’t like. Don’t get personal and don’t generalise (eg “you always...”). Stick to the facts and don’t just guess at other people’s motives or feelings.
- Deal with one issue or situation at a time. Don’t lump together a lot of different things that have happened to you and come to one-sided conclusions. Try to stay objective about every situation.
- It may help you to write things down so that you can look at all the facts before you express your thoughts and feelings.
- Use “I” when you talk so it's clear you are taking ownership of your thoughts, opinions and feelings. It’s also useful to explain why you feel the way you do, so try to express yourself by saying “I think... because...”
- Describe what you would like to happen (or change). Be specific and make sure what you’re saying is fair and reasonable. Don’t make threats, and be prepared to say what action you will take if people like your ideas.
- Remember that assertiveness is positive and constructive so you can apply the same principles to praising and complimenting people.
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